by kstanley

Yesterday as I heard Master arrive home from work, I immediately dashed to my favorite discreetly-spy-on-Master spot. I found Squeaky, Cook, the upstairs maid and the gardener all wedged together in MY spot. They were already scuffling and pinching at each other trying to get the best view of Master. The only way I was able to clear them out was to tell them that Boobs was in the garden trying to find her present. (I told her that Master had buried a present for her out there.) She'd been out there since morning and it had started thundering and lightening. Of course no one wanted to miss seeing Boobs all muddy and disheveled. Plus there was always a chance she might be struck by lightening and so everyone rushed out to the garden to see Boobs before Master made her come in from the rain.

Unfortunately Boobs wasn't struck by lightening. Master was horrified to see her all covered in mud though. Unfortunately, the gardener had just fertilized the flowerbeds, and so Boobs was pretty stinky. She tried to say something to Master about her present, but she smelled so bad, he just waved her away telling her to "go take a bath".

We were all snickering in the background when Fruity arrived to talk to Master. Ugh! Again? Why does he have to come over every day? That Fruity is shameless. Does he have no pride? He and Master closeted themselves in Master's office. Of course I stayed nearby so that I could be available if Master needed me. I overheard Fruity telling Master that he didn't understand what Master saw in Boobs. Fruity mentioned that he saw Boobs going through Master's files. Oh no! Fruity is making his play for my Master! Oh no! Master just smiled evilly and said that not every relationship was about love and that be and Boobs were playing chess. But I think my Master was just being funny again because Boobs can't even manage walking and talking at the same time, much less chess.

So the good news is that Master doesn't really like Boobs. But the bad news is that he is telling Fruity this and not me. What does he see in Fruity?

I heard Fruity preparing to leave (Finally) and I pretended to be dusting the hall. I saw Fruity walk out of Master's office and then stop by the stairs and look up. And then something happened which I can't explain. Fruity cocked his head (just like the cocker spaniel dear Mama used to have) and then Whoosh! There was a popping sound like the Concorde makes and Fruity was gone. I was shaking my head and seriously thinking about cutting down on my Chupa Chups, when Fruity came rushing back down the stairs, yelling about Boobs being in an accident. "Uh oh" I thought. I wondered if Boobs had taken my suggestion that she could save time by drying her hair while bathing seriously. But no! Boobs had almost drowned in the bathtub. I couldn't imagine how someone could accidentally drown themselves in the bathtub, but nothing Boobs does surprises me. She probably dunked herself to rinse her hair and just forgot about the whole not being able to breathe underwater thing. Or maybe it's those sleeping pills Cook has been slipping in all her food. Well whatever it is, it's a good thing because Boobs was taken away in an ambulance and Master says she will be staying away, while he figures out who is trying to hurt Boobs.

I don't have the heart to tell him that it's all of us.